Thursday, April 7, 2011

The Belligerent Butter Fruit

While most Avocados are pleasant and fun,
This tale talks of a most belligerent one.
A nasty, obnoxious, bothersome bloke,
Thoroughly incapable of seeing a joke.
This fruit, the only one from his tree,
A tree widely known for infertility.
Though this tree was by nature not sunny or bright,
It was held that its bark was worse than its bite.

In illustration of the Avocado's stroppiness,
His love of robbing the world of happiness,
There is a tale of a naive spring chicken,
Passing by once as night'd started to thicken,
Skipping along with not a care in the world,
Until from above the first taunt was hurled.
"Chicken!" he screeched in the most repulsive tones,
"You're so fat, they'll eat you, even the bones!"

The chicken, unused to such ungentle terms,
Came very near to losing her last meal of worms.
She raised her eyes to meet the ones up high,
At the sight, and the next words, her mouth went dry.
"You cluck, you! They'll pluck you!
They'll dress you! They'll chuck you,
Onto a plate in time for dinner
Oh don't you wish you were much thinner?"

Poor chicken, she fled, in ignominy,
The voice followed her not hiding its glee.
Other trees and creatures that lived around,
Murmured comfort to the chicken now homeward bound,
Being themselves no strangers to the Avocado's attack,
As one, strove to have young chicken's back,
But poor chicken was changed by that fruit's ill will,
And went out the next day and bought a tread mill.

Another equally horrific report,
Tells of a man herding a goat.
This it is said was a more spirited encounter,
The goat-herd more than willing to exchange banter,
But as the insults on his head kept heaping,
The goatherd, it's said, was forced to flee weeping.
His fruity tormentor was asked 'Why'd you do it?'
To which he replied "Ugh! His face was so stupid!'

So this Avocado hung there, night and day,
Constantly insulting all in his way,
Sparing none, not man, beast or fowl,
None safe from his snarky shafts or scowl,
Until one day it so happened,
That his hold on his parent tree was loosened,
And so he came a-crashing down,
With a rustle and a crack and a splattering sound.

Now was he, perhaps, chastened by this fall?
In five words - Oh, no! Not at all!
His malignant mouth never gave it a rest,
Everyone realized that it was best,
That, though they did not exactly fear,
To avoid unpleasantness, it was best to steer clear.
So no one passed him, not even an ant,
None being keen to be subject to his rant.

He hadn't been lying on the ground very long,
Before a curious dog came sniffing along,
Pausing a while to rain on a log,
The Avocado caught the eye of the dog.
He sniffed his way up to the louse,
As the Avocado slowly started to grouse.
The dog sat back to scratch at a tick,
And then leaned forward and gave the fruit a lick.

Avocado hadn't been treated this way before,
And was moved to vituperate some more.
But he was rudely cut off in mid slur,
On account of being eaten up by the cur.
As he sat licking his lips in satisfaction,
The other creatures were stirred to action,
They said: "Oh you are a brave, brave brute!"
To which he replied: "It was but a fruit."

8 comments:

  1. Ahahahahaaaa! You have immortalised that damn butter fruit! :) Lowwweee it, post some more!

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  2. I love this!!!! Hilarious! I am about to re-read it a few more times (and get out a dictionary because your vocab is amazing)!

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  3. Thanks! :-D Read it read it read it!

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  4. Junglee coorg womans! This is fantastic! But I told you so already.

    Hehe, I said "I told you so". Hehehehe.

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  5. Hari! It's you! Many thanks for public acknowledgements! :-D

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