Sunday, November 27, 2011

Ravindranath the Python

Ravindranath the Python had a nasty habit,
Of chewing on creatures, be they man or rabbit.
The other pythons they all thought him mighty strange,
From swallowing whole, chewing was a very weird change.
“We really wouldn’t mind if he’d eat us and be done,
But that gnawing, that chewing, it’s really no fun!
Nibble, nibble, nibble, he starts with the toes,
Then slowly but surely go the feet, knees and nose,
He really is a most disgusting sort,
On jungle society, he’s truly a blot!”
This opinion of him was mostly unanimous,
Except in the case of Harry the Hippopotamus.
Harry suffered from a most violent itch,
Of which she never, ever ceased to bitch.
All day long, she’d stand, doing nothing but bawl,
And of Ravindranath, she really knew nothing at all.
So deep in the jungles so vast and so thick,
These two continued making all thoroughly sick,
One chewing on bodies, the other on minds,
Both inflicting tortures of the most heinous kinds,
Until a cagey old parrot hatched a brilliant plan
That was whole-heartedly approved of by the jungle clan,
A plan to bring together the hippo and the snake,
And wait and see what turn events would take.
How the meeting was effected I really don’t know,
But the events that followed are enough to show,
That the parrot was no bird brain at all,
And the biting menace, away did crawl.
At the first meeting, what happened was this,
Ravindranath was the first to lay eyes on the miss,
His eyes popped open, his tongue rolled out,
He looked like a cartoon then, no doubt.
Cliches aside, he knew right then,
He wanted that hippo, not mice, not men.
“What glorious proportions, what a wonderful expanse,
Of chewable hippo,” he sang and then danced.
With a flex or two of the muscles mandibular,
He slithered and crawled nearer and nearer,
Fully intent on what he thought was his prize,
He omitted to consider the little matter of size.
Ravindranath really was the tiniest titch,
But for Harriet, you’ll see, he’d be the cure for the itch.
He  opened those jaws up nice and wide,
And clamped down hard on the hippo’s thick hide.
It’s safe to say it was love at first bite,
A cliché again, but when it’s right, it’s right.
Harry, it turned out, was too big for him to even chew and swallow,
So he could nibble and gnaw and never stop at all-oh!
All through this, one will surely want information,
About how Harry the Hippo treated this jaw-al chewation.
The simple answer to THAT, is this,
Harriet was in a state of immeasurable bliss.
That Ravindranath, he chewed in all the right places,
And soon of her itch, there remained no traces,
And every time a new one did surface,
That spot, Ravindranath would dutifully address,
And if ever Ravindranath felt the pangs of hunger,
Someone would offer themselves up, for now he didn’t linger,
Biting and gnawing, now he had Harry to munch,
And the animals were glad to be his speedy lunch.
Now Harriet wallows in the shallows, covered in big purple blotches,
While the rest of the forest contentedly watches,
One of the greatest love stories ever to be told,
It will touch your heart, make you hot and then cold.
And in the evening’s fading light,
If you listen carefully, then you might,
Hear a soft call, a call of love,
Softer and sweeter than the coo of a dove.
“Wherefore art thou, Ravi-oh?” calls she,
He replies, “Harriet! Harriet! I’m coming to thee!”

Thursday, April 7, 2011

The Belligerent Butter Fruit

While most Avocados are pleasant and fun,
This tale talks of a most belligerent one.
A nasty, obnoxious, bothersome bloke,
Thoroughly incapable of seeing a joke.
This fruit, the only one from his tree,
A tree widely known for infertility.
Though this tree was by nature not sunny or bright,
It was held that its bark was worse than its bite.

In illustration of the Avocado's stroppiness,
His love of robbing the world of happiness,
There is a tale of a naive spring chicken,
Passing by once as night'd started to thicken,
Skipping along with not a care in the world,
Until from above the first taunt was hurled.
"Chicken!" he screeched in the most repulsive tones,
"You're so fat, they'll eat you, even the bones!"

The chicken, unused to such ungentle terms,
Came very near to losing her last meal of worms.
She raised her eyes to meet the ones up high,
At the sight, and the next words, her mouth went dry.
"You cluck, you! They'll pluck you!
They'll dress you! They'll chuck you,
Onto a plate in time for dinner
Oh don't you wish you were much thinner?"

Poor chicken, she fled, in ignominy,
The voice followed her not hiding its glee.
Other trees and creatures that lived around,
Murmured comfort to the chicken now homeward bound,
Being themselves no strangers to the Avocado's attack,
As one, strove to have young chicken's back,
But poor chicken was changed by that fruit's ill will,
And went out the next day and bought a tread mill.

Another equally horrific report,
Tells of a man herding a goat.
This it is said was a more spirited encounter,
The goat-herd more than willing to exchange banter,
But as the insults on his head kept heaping,
The goatherd, it's said, was forced to flee weeping.
His fruity tormentor was asked 'Why'd you do it?'
To which he replied "Ugh! His face was so stupid!'

So this Avocado hung there, night and day,
Constantly insulting all in his way,
Sparing none, not man, beast or fowl,
None safe from his snarky shafts or scowl,
Until one day it so happened,
That his hold on his parent tree was loosened,
And so he came a-crashing down,
With a rustle and a crack and a splattering sound.

Now was he, perhaps, chastened by this fall?
In five words - Oh, no! Not at all!
His malignant mouth never gave it a rest,
Everyone realized that it was best,
That, though they did not exactly fear,
To avoid unpleasantness, it was best to steer clear.
So no one passed him, not even an ant,
None being keen to be subject to his rant.

He hadn't been lying on the ground very long,
Before a curious dog came sniffing along,
Pausing a while to rain on a log,
The Avocado caught the eye of the dog.
He sniffed his way up to the louse,
As the Avocado slowly started to grouse.
The dog sat back to scratch at a tick,
And then leaned forward and gave the fruit a lick.

Avocado hadn't been treated this way before,
And was moved to vituperate some more.
But he was rudely cut off in mid slur,
On account of being eaten up by the cur.
As he sat licking his lips in satisfaction,
The other creatures were stirred to action,
They said: "Oh you are a brave, brave brute!"
To which he replied: "It was but a fruit."